When my oldest was 4, I signed up for a parented ski lesson.  I thought this would be a great opportunity for him to learn a sport I love, an activity for us to do together and, most importantly, learn from another teacher (playing the dual roles of parent and instructor isn’t always successful).

The first day was a perfect day to ski; warm, sunny and a kid who was excited.  We also lucked out with an excellent instructor who not only taught the kids how to ski, but also taught the parents how to teach them how to ski.

Not long into the class, while trying to get his skis on him, he made a comment about how he was no good at skiing.  I brushed it off as nothing until he made the comment a few more times whenever he didn’t get anything perfect the first time he tried.

For him, making a mistake was a sign he wasn’t a good skier; and he thought that was a bad thing.  Of course he wasn’t a good skier, he was 4 and it was his first lesson.  But my 4 year old already came to the conclusion that “Mistakes are Bad”.  How could I show him that making mistakes is part of learning, it’s part of growth.

Luckily I didn’t have to wait too long since he was very quick to point out my first mistake of the day; I picked him up to carry him back to the top of the hill and he quickly pointed out that our instructor said not to do that.  He relished the ability to point out his dad’s mistake; as only a 4 year old can.

And that wasn’t the only mistake I made that day.  I pushed him along the flats too hard, I pushed him too softly, I knocked him down once or twice and I even picked him up again.  Each mistake I made he happily pointed out and the instructor came by a few times to help guide me on the best way to help my son learn how to ski.

By the end of the day, we still didn’t have everything figured out; but we were getting there.  My son got better at the basics and I managed to figure out how to best teach him how to ski.  Are we prefect, no, but we’re getting better….all because of mistakes.

The thing to remember here is that my son is not alone at all….lots of people avoid making mistakes at all costs. We don’t try something or push the envelope on something because we might make a mistake.

As we get older, we feel mistakes have more of an impact on our lives than saying we’re not good at something.  We see mistakes as a sign of failure, and by extension we are a failure. We fear others will judge us for making mistakes, that it might impact our relationship with a client/customer, the respect of our peers, or in some situations, impact if we will keep our job or not.

Now, I don’t think my son is cured of his fear of mistakes or belief that mistakes mean he is bad at something, but encouraging him to keep making mistakes and learning from them will be important.